Locked Away
by shivvy1080
Summary: That is how Kurt Hummel found himself in his bathroom, the door locked, a razor in his hand. Rated M for self harm. Spoilers up to an including Never Been Kissed.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note:** I apologise to all those who were reading my other Kurt and Blaine fanfiction, I just didn't like how it turned out, so for that I am sorry. I also noticed there are not many stories that focus on the darker side of Kurt's thoughts, after all this bullying and everything that has gone on with him he would have some sort of depression, or be close to it. So I hope you guys enjoy this.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Glee, or any of the characters in this story. Spoilers up to and including Never Been Kissed.

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Kurt Hummel awoke in his bed, tangled in the sheets due to the nightmares he had experienced over the night. With a sigh, he pushed himself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom, still disoriented from sleep. He looked into the mirror and observing his eyebrows that needed to be plucked, the pimples that covered his face, the way that his stomach stuck out and the splattering of freckles that made him look as if he was a seven year old. All he saw was imperfections; he saw everything that was wrong and everything that could be wrong with him. With yet another sigh he started his morning with his usual moisturizing routine.

After putting on his black skinny jeans, black knee high Doc Martin boots and a once tight grey print t shirt, Kurt made his way upstairs. All his clothes had started hanging looser on him lately. He grabbed his messenger bag from the table as well as his keys and walked to the car. Just like most mornings, he felt tired and drained already, which was much the result of the result of his restless sleep.

When Kurt pulled up at school, parked his car and walked inside, he had not bothered to hide from someone who might be waiting to throw him in the dumpster, or slushie him, or shove him into lockers again. And sure enough, as he passed the dumpster two pairs of hands grasped roughly at him and all but threw him into the mound of trash. Thankfully none of it was wet or leaking, he could hear members of the football team walking away laughing. Kurt lay there for a few minutes, unwilling and unable to move, what was the point if he was just going to be thrown against lockers all day, constantly living in fear of Dave Karofsky.

Kurt slowly pulled himself up off the bags of trash and clambered out of the dumpster. He dusted himself off before walking into school, his hands clutching his messenger bag and his eyes down. When his phone vibrated in his pocket only one word ran through his head, _Blaine_. Blaine, the smart, funny, confident, gay older boy from Dalton Academy. Blaine the boy who helped Kurt confront Karofsky. Blaine, the boy Kurt was in love with, but obviously did not love Kurt back. The text read "_Good luck with school today, don't study too hard, and don't let that Neanderthal bother you._" Kurt almost smiled when he read the text; Blaine always had a way of making the younger boy feel better. Kurt texted him back "_Thanks. I'll try._"

The day dragged by for Kurt, he felt awkward and out of place everywhere, he didn't bother eating lunch and barely payed attention in class. Every time he was shoved into a locker the feeling of loneliness and emptiness inside him just got bigger and bigger. By the time Kurt was driving home he felt like the loneliest person ever, bound to be alone forever, with no one loving him.

That is how Kurt Hummel, the boy who had it together, the boy who could face his tormentors daily with a smile on his face, the boy who was the only person out of the closet in his school, the boy who was tormented daily, thrown into locker, had slushies thrown at him, thrown in dumpsters, locked in porta potties and borderline sexually assaulted found himself in his bathroom, the door locked, a razor in his hand pressing down on his thigh. Tears flowing down his cheeks, the feeling of loneliness so large that it caused an aching in his chest. Kurt pressed the razor blade down harder and made a cut down his thigh. A line of crimson red blood was visible where the razor blade had just cut. It felt good to be able to see his pain create something, leave a visible mark that only he would ever see. Kurt didn't know how long he was in there, just that he made more cuts that night and went to bed without eating his dinner and without talking to his Dad or Blaine.

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There will be more Blaine in this story in the next chapter, I promise. Reviews are lovely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:** Hey guys, I just wanted to apologise for taking so long to update this story. It just takes a lot for me to write a chapter. And thank you all so much for the reviews and story alerts, it really does mean a lot to me. But with so many of you reading this story I just wanted to say something to you, cutting is _not_ the answer. No matter how bad you feel and how much you feel like you are all alone, there is always, always someone. Whether it be online, one of your friends or even just a helpline there is always someone there for you. If you cut you'll just look back at the cuts and be ashamed at how weak you were, and how you gave into that feeling of self loathing. And reading stories like this didn't help in my situation, so if this is a trigger for you, then _**please**_ stop reading. I care more about your mental health than I do about my story, even if you assure yourself you'll be fine and it won't trigger you, 9 times out of 10 it does. And I'm always here to talk if anyone needs to.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Glee, or any of the characters in this story. Spoilers up to and including Never Been Kissed

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Kurt awoke the next morning tangled in his sheets, as per usual. His thighs stung from the cuts that he had made last night. He slowly pulled himself out of bed and stood in the shower, allowing the almost scalding hot water to rush over him. The hot water stung his cuts even further, but he found a sickening pleasure in the pain he felt. Kurt turned the hot water off, standing in the shower cubicle a moment longer, water droplets dripping off him and steam rising up from where the hot water had just been and he slowly stepped out and began his morning routine.

Kurt took a few bites of his slice of toast before feeling full, tossing it in the bin he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He noticed he had multiple unread texts from Blaine, he opened the newest one "_Kurt, you didn't respond to any of my texts last night. I'm worried, are you OK?_" Kurt automatically sent one back "_Yeah I'm fine, I was just really tired after school yesterday, sorry :(_." That was always his automatic response if anyone asked if he was OK, it was always "I'm fine, I'm good, I'm OK. I'm just tired." No one ever seemed to be able to look past all the lies, see the hurt and pain in his eyes, the bags under his eyes that were caused by near sleepless nights filled with nightmares. Blaine texted back "_Well I'm here if you ever need to talk._" The corners of Kurt's mouth tugged up into a small smile. Burt slowly entered the room, he was wearing his overalls for work, he noted Kurt's smile, albeit small, but it was a smile none the less. "Hey kiddo," Burt place a hand on Kurt's shoulder. "You were asleep before dinner last night and I didn't want to wake you up,"

Kurt looked down at his feet, "I was just tired after school, that's all." He was surprised and effortlessly he could lie. "And shouldn't you be resting Dad? You know how bad stress can be for you," Kurt looked up at his Dad, frowning slightly.

"I'm just going in to supervise, I promise." Burt pulled his song into a hug, "I love you." And with that Burt left the room. He hadn't even noticed that anything was wrong with Kurt, wasn't that a father's job? To know when their kid was upset? Evidently not in Kurt's case. Kurt grabbed his keys and went off to school before his thoughts could turn even bitterer.

The whole day Kurt wondered the halls of McKinley between classes, being slammed into lockers and having insults spat at him. His hands traced where he had cut the night before. He watched as his friends discussed plans that did not include him and laughed at inside jokes he was not a part of. He didn't eat and he barely spoke, yet still no one saw that anything was wrong with him. When Glee practice came around he just sat off to a side by himself, he noticed how the whole club had split up into couples, with the exception of Mercedes and himself, but she was talking animatedly with Artie and Brittany, and here he was. Alone, as usual.

After dinner that night Kurt counted up every time he was ignored, every plan that did not involve him, every slushie, every locker throw, every insult and every inside joke from that day. Then that was how many times he cut. He ignored the texts and calls from Blaine, only sending one text back saying that he had piles of homework so he couldn't talk tonight. He didn't want to talk to anyone; he didn't want to see anyone. He wanted to be alone with his misery, his self hate and his razor.

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Reviews are love. Also my Tumblr URL is punk-in-patches if anyone wants it. Also sorry if this is badly written and unedited, most of this is just raw emotion, and also I get distracted easily so I am horrible at editing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: **Sorry for the delay, there's been a lot of drama in my life at the moment. But alas, here is the next chapter.

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own Glee.

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Kurt sat in the bath, the warm water lapping at the cuts on his legs, the water tinged red. There were tears streaming down his cheeks and sobs trying to escape from his chest. Three days, two hours and thirty seven minutes he'd been doing this, that was three days, two hours and thirty seven minutes that no one had noticed anything wrong with him. That no one had noticed his pain, his hurt, his tears, his silence. For a few moments Kurt sat there, examining his legs. There were all different cuts on his legs, some longer than others, some deeper and all in different stages. Some were near healing, some were half way through healing, some only just had skin growing back on them and some were fresh. Kurt sat in the bloody water, his eyes near closing with sleep and breathing heavily. That's when he heard it, his name being called. By Blaine voice, just outside his bedroom door. Kurt couldn't bring himself to answer for fear of sobbing, Blaine's calls got more urgent until he heard his bedroom door open and close and footsteps running down the stairs. Kurt scrambled out of the bath, pulling the plug as he went. He was lethargic from the hot water and was slower than he would have liked pulling his pyjama pants on. He didn't even understand how Blaine had gotten into his house, or why he was even there. Kurt was pulling on his shirt as he heard Blaine knocking on the bathroom door and desperately calling his name. Kurt ripped the door open,

"Um, hi I was just... Uh... taking a bath." Kurt stepped out of the bathroom and shut the door behind him before Blaine could see anything, "I don't mean to be rude, but how did you get in here?"

Blaine looked sheepish, "Your Dad let me in as he was leaving, he mentioned something about an emergency at the garage." The was a silence, not uncomfortable, not awkward. Just a silence. "I-I missed you. I got worried. You stopped texting me and didn't answer my calls. Did something happen?" Kurt looked down, not wanting to meet Blaine's eyes.

"No I was just... busy with other things. I'm sorry." Kurt's voice was almost a whisper. His legs stung from his pyjama pants rubbing against the cuts.

"Other things?" Blaine questioned, "Before a few days ago no matter what you were doing you would text me so what happened. What changed?"

"Nothing changed Blaine. I just got sick of playing pretend. What are we doing? You live in Westerville, almost an hour away. This friendship is stupid and impossible. So why don't we just end it now before someone gets hurt." Kurt spat out the words before he could think, he looked up at Blaine's deep hazel eyes, biting back tears in his own blue ones.

"Why are you saying all these things Kurt. I thought we were friends. I thought I meant something to you." Blaine sounded hurt and it pained Kurt to hear him that way. But honestly what was the point? Blaine's going to leave him anyway, he'll find something wrong with Kurt and leave him, everyone always does.

"It's nothing. I just see no point in thinking this is going to work anymore." Kurt got up and started pacing the room. running his hands through his damp hair. "What's the point anymore really? You're going to leave me. Everyone does. Everyone finds something wrong with me and leaves me," Kurt spat. There were tears flowing down his cheeks again.

"I know what you're doing, Kurt. And I won't let you do it." Blaine's voice was steady, but loud. He stood up and gripped Kurt's arms, "I will _not_ let you push me away. I know things are hard for you right now but you have to know I will be here for you." Blaine locked his eyes onto Kurt's, they looked so... empty. "And I know you're going to feel like shit most days, but you have to know that I'm going to here for you, that I'll notice the things that other people don't. I _know_ you've stopped eating Kurt, you're getting thinner. And I know that your grades are probably dropping and I will not let you do this." Blaine was yelling, he didn't notice. Tears fell from Kurt's eyes.

"You have _no_ idea what's going on Blaine, so don't even try pretending that you do." Kurt growled through his tears. He jerked his arms around his torso. Kurt's shirt rode up without him knowing.

"Kurt, of course I know what's going on. You forget I've been through something similar." Blaine took a step closer to Kurt, his eyes trailed to Kurt's waist where his pants hung, where he could see cuts. Blaine gasped. "Kurt, what did you do?"

Kurt failed to choke back a sob as Blaine noticed his cuts, he pulled his shirt down. "It's nothing. Why would you care?"

"I care Kurt, of course I care. I care more than you know, and it is _not_ nothing. Cutting is serious, Kurt." Blaine was yelling again, tears streaming down his own face.

"Just leave it Blaine! I don't want to talk about it!" Kurt screamed.

"I will _not_ leave it!" Blaine screamed back, "This is serious, Kurt. I will _not_ let you do this to yourself!"

"Why? Why can't you just let me die? People wouldn't miss me. And I fail to see why this is so _fucking_ important to you." Kurt was panting heavily, he spat out the swear word.

"Because I care about you too much Kurt! This is so fucking important to me because I know what you're going through! Because I've been there!" Before Blaine could realise what he was doing he was tugging his pants down a bit further down his waist, to where the cuts from his past sat. "I will _not_ let you go through what I did! I will not let you be by yourself and I most certainly will not let you kill yourself!" Tears were streaming heavily down both boys faces. Kurt was staring at Blaine's cuts, he strode up to the other boy and slowly traced his hands across the other boy's cuts. Kurt looked down into the older boy's eyes.

"I'm sorry," he choked out. Before he could stop himself he was pressing his lips against Blaine's, they were hot and insistent. Blaine was kissing the other boy back, stumbling and pushing him against the wall. Both of the boys tasted of salt, they pulled apart, tears still streaming. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry." Kurt was muttering.

"Don't be. You have no reason to be sorry. You need to know I will _always_ be here for you Kurt." He leaned his forehead against Kurt's, breathing heavily.

"So what now?" Kurt questioned, wrapping his arms around Blaine and pulling him into a hug, Blaine placing his head on Kurt's shoulder.

"Well now, I am going to confiscate your razors. I am going to make you call me any time, any where no matter how stupid you think it is, you are going to call me and talk about it. And I am going to visit you every day after school, I don't care how long the drive is I am going to make sure that you're OK." Kurt smiled through his tears, touched that Blaine would care so much.

"Thank you Blaine, so much." Kurt whispered, kissing the top of the other boy's head.


End file.
